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2007-09-26 - 11:15 p.m.

Because The Office starts up again tomorrow night, or maybe just because I love the show and everything about it, sometimes I start conversations with friends by saying, "Question. Which do you prefer," and then I list two things. Such is the quiet of my current routine that, when making a sandwich this afternoon, when I got out the mayonnaise and the fancy mustard, I found myself thinking about mayonnaise and mustard. And I thought: Why is there any debate? You should always use both, on any sandwich you will ever make. Tuna salad requires some mayonnaise and a spoonful of fancy mustard. Roast beef, ham, turkey, Legos. The only exceptions are peanut butter-and-jelly and the tomato-and-mozzarella-type sandwiches. But I'm thinking here of Good Old American Sandwiches. They all require both. So, Question. When making a sandwich, when is it appropriate to use both mustard and mayonnaise? Answer: ridiculous question. There is never a time when it is not appropriate.

What? All right.

I teach a class three days a week, from 10 to 10:50. There are girls there so pretty and teachers so elegant and, I don't know, simple-going (?) that they make my heart hurt.

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