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2005-05-18 - 1:38 p.m.

Got me a red chest. Showers hurt and I keep forgetting that I do get sunburned. Got back yesterday from a trip to the Delaware shore to meet my mom, both brothers, sister-in-law, and the three-month-old little guy. Lots of baby time. We took him out to three different restaurants and he was a champ, crying only a little and generally checking out the ceiling and moving his arms and legs around like a little swimmer. He looks so much like my brother. He also sucks his thumb and this has been attributed to me. I took lots of pictures and now I've got five or six rolls that need developing and one of them is black-and-white and when I get film-developing money that'll be the one I open last.

To get from where I live to where my family takes vacations requires taking the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel. This thing is a wonder. It's $12 each way and in a way I wonder how they can manage the upkeep on so little. It's not a well-traveled road. At 55 mph, it takes 17 minutes to do the whole thing (I've timed it and odometered it). On one side is the Chesapeake, usually calm and gray, and on the other is the Atlantic and it just goes and goes and there are two tunnels (Chesapeake Channel and Thimble Shoals Channel, maybe?) which allow big freighters and other monsters to get from the ocean to Baltimore. Also, the Navy uses these channels to get to the station in Norfolk. When hurricanes hit here, news folks always report the threat of storm surges and how the whole fleet may or may not go out to sea for a while so the storm doesn't fuck shit up while the big boats are docked. I'd like to see that.

We ate. Just when I'd be recovering from breakfast or a late lunch, waking up and letting blood flow to where it needed to go, my brothers were deep into planning the next meal. My younger brother said, several times, "You're not hungry? Really? I'm starving." And, several times, I said, "Once again, I'm reminded of our very different eating habits." This is very true. A friend of mine, upon seeing a picture of my two brothers and me, remarked on how different our bodies were and he said, "They live their lives just bigger than you do. They take bigger bites and swallow it whole." I guess I'm a chewer. Another thing is that I can't drink with those two. No way. When they're on beer eight, I'm splayed out in the back seat of the car, radio playing and change falling out of my pockets.

There is a girl in my life who I can't shake. When I think I have, she leaves a message on my machine and it's long and smiley and giggly. I've been wrestling with this: whether I should seriously try to shake her or just give in, accepting the fact that she's always going to just be? Well, you know, of course I still love her. And she lives six hundred miles away and is that excuse going to hold up forever, off into forever?

May 18th and Humidtown has moved in next door. This will last until mid-September. Here comes the sweat. And the late cigarettes on the fire escape because some breeze is better than none.

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