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2008-12-09 - 5:36 p.m.

So, sex dreams, right? I feel like I've written about this recently, but man, they feel like close to cheating. I'm still sort of buzzing from one not last night but the night before. I don't particularly find this girl all that attractive. She's in her early twenties, maybe 24, tops. She's nice (if crazy), with nice curves and pale, pale skin and reddish hair. She has an inviting smile and always wears very shiny lip gloss. The effect is that I'm always looking at her lips, which could have something to do with the dream, which felt like about a minute long and which consisted of me hugging her close, she hugging back, me kissing her neck and ear, she nuzzling back, and then close-in talk, comfortable and warm and a precursor. But no sex or even nakedness. That's how it always goes. Felt really close to this girl (who just moved away, about a week ago, to a faraway hot place) all day yesterday and still, somewhat, today (but definitely less so as the dream recedes).

I was thinking, just now, about the mind and the heart and soul and their little journeys they take while the other two are sleeping. We're not, really, in control, especially when we're in deep water. We're directed by unseen compasses, it seems.

Because you always hear and read about how affairs don't live up to the fantasies people load them down with before they happen. Seems sometimes as if New Yorker short stories owe their existences to this phenomenon. But I wonder, do actual, real-flesh affairs ever actually surpass their expectations? Do they ever rise up higher? Probably, on occasion. Maybe those few are the times when the unseen compass actually gets it right.

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