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2005-03-07 - 8:50 p.m.

A friend from Vermont came down last week for some official school business, and it was great. My first year here, when I didn't know anyone except the leasing agent lady who showed me my apartment, he and his girlfriend took me under their wings, took me to all the bars, introduced me to all their glasses- and New Balance-wearing friends. They got married in December and moved to Vermont where she's getting ready to do a PhD program in something I'm not sure about. Since they left, I've been a little less popular because my circle of close friends has steadily dwindled as they've moved away and as I've been spending more and more time in front of the computer, writing and writing.

And it came to a head on Friday night with my girlfriend. I know she's supposed to feel worse than I am; she has more right to it, I suppose, but, man, this feels pretty bad. I haven't known what to do with myself since then. I want to make her stop hurting but that's the one thing, of course, that I can't and won't do. Relationships are hard. Whew.

At a coffee shop, I started to write something new today, about my first roommate in college. He was a New York stoner intellectual guy, pompous and very charismatic. Sort of reminds me, now, of a young Ralph Nader without the dorkiness. Anyway, we got stoned a lot that year and he eventually turned on me because I suppose I was a weaker personality than he was and maybe he had fun doing it. Anyway, it's vivid in my head, and that's always a good place to write from. There's pain and humor and conflict and I think it'll be about what I often write about: power relations and positions of strength and weakness and also about admiration. It'll be about coming of age and learning about one's self. It'll be about weed, or herb, as he and his buddies called it. About being scared and about learning to stand up to fear. About music and authority and college and telling parents about getting busted for drugs and then court dates and community service. It'll be fun to write, I think.

I've been watching a lot of movies. Paid good money on Saturday afternoon to see The Aviator, which was good. I don't really know what to make of these biopics, actually. What I really think is that it was long, with uncertain structure and I had a hard time focusing on what was important about the story. I suppose that's what happens when you make a movie about a man's life. Life's a little too random for structure, I guess. And watched Reservoir Dogs last night. The dialogue's great. The acting's great. And nothing much really happens. I loved the long flashback/backstory section about Tim Roth's character and I wonder if that guy's a prick? I think he may be, but he's an actor and that happens sometimes.

OK. Time will make it all better. I know it will.

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